i am so frustrated this morning.... trying to find that balance between what i can do for my child and what my child wants me to do for her. She wants me to protect and to fight for her. Her issues. And that is my job and I am happy to do it. I have done it. But ever since my last email conversation with her father i am less willing to do it. I need to teach her to be assertive in her own life matters i think... but it's hard. she is so young. I feel i need to fight her battles still.
a couple months ago, she unloaded on me. A laundry list of issues that she had against her father and step mother in san diego. i asked her, " Do you want me to e mail your dad for you you?" and she said yes. It took me weeks to write it, mostly becasue i was concerned with the overall tone of the email. i didnt want to be condesending. But some of the things her dad and silvia had done were so stupid, i couldn't help but wonder where the hell there head is at in all of this.
So i wrote the email. I even had asia read the email that i sent so she would know that what i was communicating to her father. We have a very open and honest relationship with her and we are SO CLOSE, in many ways, that 7 year old is my best friend. She read it and said it was acceptable.
the response was horrible and disgusting. Silvia only made excuses for the situations, and then told me i was never to direct any issues to her, I had to direct them to asia's father. Eventhough the only reason I involved her in the first place was because the situation directly involved her. And the response i received from her father was the worst ever. It was the response of a scared, dead beat dad that would do anything not to pay child support. He brought up stuff that had nothing to do with the situation i had brought to him. Instead telling me how i left him in debt (FYI I stayed home for year to raise our daughter) and contrived information about how he had her more than i did, so I would have to pay back child support to him. Which.. hello? Our divorce has been final for some years, and there is nothing legally documented. He then accused me of brainwashing our child to pick me. The only reason she has ever told him she chose to stay in seattle were because of her best friend Deja, her school, and tsunamis. i supposedly told her about tsunami's to scare her from living on the beach..LOL. When the ONLY conversation I have ever had with her about tsunami's was after we had watched a dicovery channel special on them. She asked me some questions regarding them, and that was the end of it. I never said that it should be a reason for her to live with me and not her dad. I have never said anything like that to her. Did it ever occur to him that she was to acred to hurt his feelings to tell him that she just plain likes it better up here? Of course it didn't because he doesn't know Asia, notlike i do. he then said if i fight fo custody and child support with him then he would/could have his older daughter Mickayla testify in court that I was abusive toward her. Apparently she remembers me HITTING her. I haven't even seen this child since she was 3 years old, she is nine years old now. SLANDER. I dont't even spank my own child. much less HITTING some one elses...
There is more to the email. i didnt even dignify his ridiculousness with a response. (I am sure one day i will post them cause i know no one here reads my shit.)And reading all that, didnt make me feel like i had lost all hope. It made me angry. I only want to prove his allegations wrong.
why am I spewing this all out? Cause once again Asia has something else she is upset with regarding her father and I know she wants me to have her back and stand up for her. But obviously, from the reponse of his email, communication is out of the question.
Poor thing, has so many things she is angry inside about. Christmas last year, he told me at first he would not be able to buy her presents, and then at the last minute he sent stuff. While there were some pretty cute stuff, he sent her 2 left shoes that were 2 very different sizes, he sent her pants with a torn belt loop. And when I went to the Vans store to return her shoes, the shoes models were so out of date the store had no idea how they had been recently purchased. We went to the Gap to exchange her pants and they said we had to go tothe outlet over an hour away from our house to exchange them and they said they were not 100% that we could once we got there. It made me sad. Her father couldn't even put actual thought into her gifts, and it was obvious to me that he had one of his contacts at the Carlsbad Outlet mall hook him up. SAD. I mean yes, once upon a time i had those same contacts. But i have since outgrown the "hook-up" i am perfectly happy buying my own clothes/my child's clothes and not stealing them or getting hooked for them.
her dad didn't even call her on her birthday. she cried all night on her birthday because of this.
I told her that she needs to stand up for herself and tell her dad all the things she is mad about, That it is too hard for me to do now, that i have been accused of so many things because of me trying to protect her.
I am out of time now, but this issue will be brought up again.... damm i still need to write about my doctor's appt. yesterday...