Today is definately qualifying as a suck-tastical day. I feel like shit, and I want to go home. Unfortunately, I still have like 3 hours left at school. Yesterday, I made peace with another ex-boyfriend. That's 2 this week, and now I'm officially friends again with all of them. I've made a lot of progress in my life from that prospective. The down side is that every space of my mind I've cleared of stress, I've fucked up stuff to replace it with.

I have a major headache, and it's really kicking my ass. I've been working on getting into shape for soccer, and I've come to terms with the fact that it's never going to happen. I just don't have the mental capability to force myself to work out as much as I should to get ready. I'm starting to doubt how much I really want to try out, too. That's never a good sign.

Yesterday, I met up with an old friend the day after his 1 year anniversary with his girlfriend. She was the reason we stopped talking, and now it's been a year since we talked last. I couldn't let that go on any longer, so I spent an entire afternoon with him. I'm hoping his girlfriend trusts me enough to know I wouldn't dare do anything with him, because she's my partner in Biology, and that will not end up good.

Christmas Break...excuse me, Holiday Break...isn't too far away. I'm really ready for it to be here. I want to get away from school for a little while. This weekend would be really relaxing, except I'm going to Raleigh for a family reunion, and that's just going to be boring as hell. Not looking forward to any of this.

You don't seem to realize
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all

I'm having kind of a bland day. This weekend was the first band contest all year we didn't win. Fuck North Lincoln and their fancy props. We beat them in everything except General Effect and Music. They marched a show that was 120 BPM to our 170 BPM. They did a lot of start/stop drill, while we move almost continuously. It's just not fair. We did win overall percussion of the day with a 93/100. I guess that makes up for part of it. This weekend also marked a week of being single. Woo! 56 more weeks to go, if I want to break my last record. I'm hoping that doesn't happen.

I like somebody now, but I'm not really sure if it's a good situation to get myself into. After everything that's happened in Band this year, part of me just wants to get out. I've realized that to the guys in Band, I must do something that presents me as either A) Irresistable or B) Easy. On Saturday, I had 4 guys (One of which has a girlfriend of 2 years) hitting on me constantly. It was only welcomed from one of them, because it's pretty obvious that I like him. The guy who has a girlfriend was really open about it, too. His girlfriend wasn't there, and he was only around me and other guys when he did it, and guys have some unspoken code where they don't rat each other out. That's the only excuse I can come up with. I hope that's why. I definately do not want to be the reason they break up, because I don't want them to break up. I hate feeling like things are my fault.